Life is turning a cycle. Landed in Siem Reap w/ Noah last night. Immigration was at snail speed, reminded me what I have already forgotten — perhaps it was just as slow, but w/ her, time flew by. There were a young Japanese couple on the shuttle bus going from terminal to the airplane. What a love in the air! How wonderful to see couples in love, however their lives may play out to be. They are just, wonderfully, happy.

    The country has not changed, and it has changed much. Watching scooters and motorcycles going by this morning while Noah and I were sitting at the hotel's breakfast place enjoyin g fancy meal, I think the people are dressing better, the vehicles look better, and young staffs are having a fancier hairdo and accessories than I remembered. I hope this country will do well. It is such a beautiful place, with such a lovely people, how can they be forgotten so they must suffer? It's unfair, and I hope there will be their turn.

    Everywhere I turn, I see sign of poverty, see sign of their past. Even in this fancy place, the bamboo curtain hanging on the back this building look too original to be a decor, and the yard next to where I'm sitting by this nice looking pool — wild grasses, bushes, deserted. I think that must have been what this hotel location used to look like. Yet, breakfast menu is so westernized, and you can see so hard they are trying to satisfy their customer, that it's even sad that I didn't see much of Cambodia flavors ← what do they eat at home? It can't be the egg bendict w/ coffee!

    Was chatting w/ Taikang staff of western influence the other day. My point was that you don't need to try hard if other people think what you do is great → they will pick up, they will learn. I think there must be a term of this western influence ← maybe it's called the curse of the western civilization? It's said that people are trying to meet western standard in order to show their progress, their modernization ← it's inevitable.

    But then, I was watching scooters, bikes, pedestrians, people. "Not many cars yet. But what will it be when there is?" They would have to widen the street, which at this moment can form at most a two lane traffic. One side is this hotel. By the time this needs to be happen, I would guess the hotel will be doing pretty well. So this is unlikely to be destroyed. Then what? On the other side of this street, there are trees, open land, parks ← these, will be wiped out, in name of progress and development. Wouldn't that be sad? The scene that I'm seeing today, will be no more.

    When will she be back to this country, someday? What will she think of these? or the trip we took together? Will she be sitting by a pool, giving some thoughts to what I'm thinking? or, maybe the world has already changed above recognition? I wish I would know, or wish she would write them down, or tell me, somehow. How much I wish to know more about her life, the one that is unfolding, the one that she is destined to live?

    I don't know how many more times I would come back to this country. Too many places and time and moments are now tied w/ memory of her, that wherever I turn, wherever I go, wherever I will end up to be, there is always a silhouette, accompanying me.

    Noah is by my side working on his homework. Nice breeze. A pleasant smell in the air, a bit like smoke from food cooking, a bit of just urban smell. I was here; I am here.

    What is missing, and is missed, is you.

    — by Feng Xia


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