But this screenshot from kiki brightens my day ~~
I miss 米粒儿和米答应. Sometimes I feel really sorry that I feel like I have walked out of their life. Maybe she feels that way, too. But then I know I didn't. I didn't mean to, and I did what I said I would, I didn't lie or being insincere about the future and how we could be. I did what I meant to do, and I needed to do it not only because I cared, but I meant to get myself ready so I could do what I committed to do.
But sometimes I feel it was taken in the wrong way, or maybe it was just timing and pressure and temptation and everything else. There were signs that she has wavered, though I had been aware but didn't want to admit. Then, for 米粒儿 & 米答应, they probably didn't understand any of these. Poor little things.
But there is one thing I can always look at myself into the eyes, or God's when I'm in the death bed, that I was honest to myself, to her, to 米粒儿 & 米答应. I had never thought of anything that could mean to be harm them in any way. How could I? Seeing her cry was the hardest thing, and I don't want that to happen anymore, ever.
I don't know. Maybe I did leave. But I left everything good about me, there. I have nothing left I'm feeling proud of. I don't know what I will be, dying alone perhaps. But that doesn't scare me a bit. Yes, death is a relief, a closure. I would wish to see them again, to see the smiles, the laughs, the meows and goofy moves, the song you sang, and the talents that I have so admired and wished for your success and happiness.
Like this lovely silly cat, it always brightens my day, like you have done, to my life.
— by Feng Xia