It's quiet here. Office is deserted due to the upcoming long weekend. It feels rather strange. Listening to the song makes me to think of you, and the days agains. Mr.Makato is still here. He is always here early in the morning, and leave late at night. Is he is alone? Doesn't he ever go home? Does he have a home?

    I want to see you. This moment of quietness. A scene came to my mind, that years later when I was still thinking of you, and my kids look at me and you, and could not figure out what is soo good about you, like when we look at others' love, you wonder what's so special of that person to make him/her so hooked to it. For outsiders, it always looks unlikely, but for people who are the subjective, s/he can't help it. So that's how I am feeling. I can't help it.

    Was ready to go home, to pick up Noah early so we can spend some time together. I can already see his smile if I tell him we can play computer game together. What a wonderful age! He is so easily entertained, satisfied, and find so many things, happy, genuinely happy. When did I lose these on the way to now? I may still have some, but not a lot left, and is becoming less and less. How sad.

    I always think there is a song for any couple, either as boyfriend girlfriend, or just a one-night-stand. Whatever, there is a song, that describes the mood, the scene, the feel, the touch, the emotion when two eyes first met, when two hands first touch, when two bodies first unite, for the two hearts first soften and melt. Love is wonderful. I can't think of anything else in life so far that gives you more of a sensation than when you are in love. I think women are indeed wiser than men ← women recognize this long ago before a man grows to his maturity and start to realize how wonderful a relationship he has/had.

    Sometimes I try to picture that song. There is one you sent me. I like it. I thought it is the one. But sometimes I felt otherwise. This, the one I'm listening, feels more like how I feel. Then there are other songs, that bring back other memories, feelings, people in the past, or life in the past, pain or happiness ← you know, regardless what they are, they are always part of you, just like any food you eat, will eventually become part of you, and any book you read, shapes your mind, even just a tiny bit, will now inseparable. 蒋方舟 said "dating with someone is like a ghost story, because you see the reflections of all his/her previous relationships". How true. So sometimes I feel I shouldn't have let you go, because the process is what matters; but still, everytime I start to miss you, I remind myself how I could have faced otherwise when I'm getting too old for you, and you have such a full life ahead! No I can't, I can't do this to you. You are free, and should be free. Live a life as it will give you, I don't know how good or bad it can be. Forever I wanted to be next to you so to make sure you are protected, cherished. I will do that, as a shadow perhaps, so when you fall, ever, that's when you will feel me again, down below, to catch you.

    Bless. Sweet dream, 遥远的,美丽的,不再有音信的,你.

    — by Feng Xia


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