Why? for some reason, I can always feel your existence, somewhere, around the corner, in this city. Walking on the street in this massive metropolitan, what's the odds that I could ever meet you again? Yet, I can't shake the feeling that you are somewhere, somewhere really close, somewhere I'm scared to look at, to look for.
Are you here? You must be. The rain, the endless winter drizzle, damp, humid, chilly, not yet cold, and wind picks up, sometimes it makes you shiver, sometimes it makes it feel like a early spring breeze.
I watched Lost In Translation again last night. Jet lagged, awake 11 at night, so I listened to it, and did some work. I felt really sad when the guy said, "but I dont want to leave".. "then don't, we will start a Jazz band".... it's sad, isn't it? How can I put it? I don't want to leave. Yet, I can't be an anchor for you anymore to make your life standing still. I'm not good enough for the glamour and perfection of you, as much as I would like to convince myself that I could take care of you till I die, I will, but I can't make you go through this, the life that I'm being through ← it's not fun, it's a matter of fact, that I have to take care, have to deal with, have to figure out. But you, you have full life ahead of you. You should be trouble free, worry free, burden free, just fly, fly w/ all you want, fly high, fly w/o being dragged down.
I want you to have this life, not a gift of any kind, but what you deserve, and what you should have. That's a young life I can't give you. Though with endless 不舍, I have to let you go on.
But you are everywhere. Watched those Japanese movies on the flight, one after another, I found you in it — they all looked like you. I don't know why. Maybe it's just because they, as being actresses in a movie, are all good looking, and that is certainly you. But there is more to it. I can't describe, it's just that everywhere I turn, I find you, a trace of you, somewhere, on somebody. It's just there, amazingly, there.
What a person you are! and How much I am missing you! Every step I take, every turn I make, everything incidence that triggers me a thought, it's always you, who is there, on my mind, that I speak to, and wished you were here, next to me, belong to me.
How wonderful the days you have given me! I will never forget, till the day I die. If marriage will ruin a relationship, then don't, don't marry, cause love is such a beautiful thing, that it deserves a chance to live, to last longer, to be forever, to be always sweet, and never fade.
Maybe, that is called, missing you.
Yes, I'm missing you. In this massive metropolitan, I miss, you.
— by Feng Xia