Have you ever been caught in a mode that you just feel the whole life is collapsing, not necessarily things are really bad, just that you feel the mind is on a edge pissed off by something at that moment that you just want to get out, to scream, to even kill somebody!? You will be like wtf let's just bring it on, sink me to the bottom of whatever life has it for me, trash me to the ground, and better just kill me so I won't bounce back up again to suffer more by dragging it on and on and on.....

    That's exactly how I feel right now, today! WTF! really? How could this be soooo damn hard? I just want to move on my life, and here it is, somehow, somewhere, some dark energy in this universe just want to anchor me right back to where I am. And seriously, if only there is an archor in my life, in my mind, wouldn't I have taken this step in the first place!? Pls, get a grip. Can't u see what is happening!? Why!? The feeling of being stuck, is just fxxx terrible.

    I don't know. Life is hard; marriage is hard; living is hard; being positive is hard; being sad is hard; being left alone is hard; being endorsed by people is hard; being yourself is hard; being someone you like is hard; being someone others like is hard; being the want-to-be is hard; being the as-is is hard; being, is just hard.

    — by Feng Xia


    Strange fate

    Have you had this feeling before? that something is off, and things are happening in a strange way?

    This is how I felt yesterday and the day before. Went to see ...


    Caught a full bag of stars. Last time I had this moment was in 2004 just before I was leaving for Beijing. Fourteen years later, there they are again, glittering, ...

    Forget someone

    Forget someone, is hard.

    Your image kept popping into my head this morning, on treadmill, on a path walked from building to building, in the sun, by the shadow of a tree, ...